A deadpan measuring instrument for dinner dates. Register both diners, then tap under the table every time the server addresses you, your companion, or both of you: three full-height bands you can hit without looking, and a sideways swipe to undo. End the meal and the device prints a thermal-receipt Service Equality Report with an Invisibility Index (0 to 100), a letter grade, a dry one-line assessment, and a save-as-image button for sharing. Past receipts are kept in your archive. Single observation, for entertainment only, not representative of any restaurant overall.